I treat all my children equally.... don't I?

A LONG LONG time ago, I resolved that Nicky would never be treated differently. He would be held to the same standards and expectations as his brothers and sisters. However; with each fight I break up (which means time out for all involved) I have to wonder how much of each altercation stems from their language barrier? While all the children use ASL,most of the time it is very sloppy and difficult to understand. Despite the origin of the dispute, inappropriate behavior has consequences. However, as a mom, I can't help but feel a little... um... cold when Nicky is throwing a tantrum, is misunderstood and then punished. You know what? There is no book out there, no workshop, no seminar that covers EVERY situation faced by moms like us. We all just have to figure it out as we go along. Some day, we will all look back and know that while we may have made mistakes, we always did and fought for what we thought was best for our children. The worst thing we can do is stop trying.

Nothing Short of a Miracle...

This week I had the opportunity to reflect on our journey. I remember to well, the frustrated tears I shared with Nicholas. All the things I wanted to say, all the feelings he wanted to express... If you haven't been there, its impossible for you to know how painful it is. I've never considered Nicky to be "Disabled". I didn't cry when we discovered he was deaf, at least not that day. I have since screamed with rage and bawled at the inequities of Deaf Education, the ignorance of others and situations and circumstances that are just unfair. We still are faced with communication barriers, we know a lot, but not everything. NOW, if I don't know, he shows me and if he doesn't know, he shows me the closest thing to it. He can come home and say, "[ my friend ] had candy, not me and that's not fair!" He loves to tell me, "I can't hear that!" or "Autumn isn't signing!". I love it. I love the stories he shares, his willingness to learn. I LOVE that he's learning to read. Yesterday he said my name was "M-O-M". He's so happy and he makes me indescribably joyous.

A family growing up "Deaf"...

I fear I have not yet covered differentiating "Deaf" and "deaf". This is maybe one of the most amazing things I have learned as a parent and student. Keep in mind, that I prefer human beings NOT to label other human beings. What I am referring to here; "Deaf" and "deaf", I mean to describe strictly by the way someone may identify THEMSELVES.

Someone who describes him/herself as "deaf" may be referring only to their hearing loss. This is the simple, short explanation for "deaf".

A person who describes him/herself as "Deaf" is referring to their identity being rooted in Deaf pride, being involved in the Deaf Community and Deaf Culture.

Now, the reason I wanted to clarify this, pertains to one of my favorite qualities of Deaf Culture; Bluntness. The Deaf Community does not dance around anything, or fake anything. Lately, the rules of etiquette I grew up with, often come across as a waste of words. My husband, working 2 jobs and going to Grad School is often told by various Deaf friends, rather bluntly, that he looks terrible. I am told; "You've really gained a lot of weight, fast." (It should be noted here, that most of the friends who tell me I've gained weight know that I am 12-13 weeks pregnant). Unfortunately, some of my best examples, are actually, inappropriate for this blog.

My youngest 3 children have all but grown up surrounded by Deaf culture and have adopted its qualities. Which is fine, unless "Deaf Blunt" is applied to receiving a gift. You can only imagine, me red faced, when my children return, what I believe is a thoughtful gift, and say; "I don't like this" or, "What do I do with this?"

Everyone loves to have a dinner guest who will tell you; "That smells gross, I'm not eating it." or, "I can't use that bathroom its dirty."

Some may be offended, but I wouldn't change a thing. I'm proud of them, all of them.

Maybe he wants us all to be Deaf???

Nicky would rather sit 3 inches from the TV and crank the volume, than wear his hearing aids... Oi!

His recent habit has been to, rather randomly, yell at me. "Mom! I can't hear that!" To which I respond; "I know!"

Sometimes I can increase the volume enough that he can hear a little. The great debate now is purchasing an amplifier for his hearing aids to make the TV louder. Another very expensive "toy" for our little munchkin.

Closed Captioned for the Signing Impaired

Just a quick note They say, when your learning a 2nd language, dreaming in that language is a sign of familiarity and fluency. I work, study and practice diligently towards that kind of progression. I am so focused on interpreting and communicating that it has, in my opinion affected my ability to write proficiently, in English.

Last night, my dream was captioned... What does that mean?

How to practice classifers...

Try to explain a bunk bed, in ASL. Now try to explain a bunk bed, that will not have a bottom bunk, but space for storing toys. BED Classifier : "Ladder" THERE Classifier : "Safety Rail" FALL CAN'T TOYS WHERE(rhq) THERE! (I think! It's not perfect, but my five year old seems to understand.)

Moments like these raise an odd combination of frustration and pride. Pride because we've come so far in ability to communicate with each other. Frustration because now that I know more, I want to be a better language model for Nicky.

All I can do is keep learning, I will forever be an ASL Student.
Nicky's new bed!

Cutting the Ribbon FINALLY!!!

"What an accomplishment. This really happened. It’s the first day of school and we really have something to celebrate don’t we? I know we are all excited and ready to play so I promise we won’t spend too much time here at the podium. I want to just briefly talk about the tireless efforts of the children as well as the tremendous outpouring of community support that made this playground possible.
I want to thank also, the unsung heroes, who showed up this week with rags, cleaners, hoses and equipment and worked so hard to make sure nothing could tarnish this wonderful day.
Senator Morgan is here with us this morning to say a few words and then we’ll meet Slyde the Dog! Senator Morgan will then cut the ribbon and we’ll dismiss the children by grade to play!
This project began two years ago with our first permanent building. In the last few years, all of Utah’s schools suffered significant budget cuts. Everyone here, Teachers, Staff, Students and families knew how fortunate we were to have this beautiful restored building, despite those budget cuts. With gratitude for our first permanent building and a great deal of excitement, the JMS PTA asked USDB for permission to start raising money for a playground.
The children were so motivated; they worked so hard at every fundraising opportunity we could think of. Grants from the Sorenson Legacy Foundation, Larry H. Miller Foundation, R. Harold Burton Integra Telecom, Fidelity, Lawrence T. & Janet T. Dee Foundation and the Joe & Lynn Laberge Family made the $150,000 goal seem attainable. Our small student body raised a total of $55,000!
In February of last year, during the Legislative Session, Parents feared for the closure or reorganization of our school. Families wrote to every representative in every district. Senator Karen Morgan received a handful of these letters which included details regarding our fundraising progress and grant applications. Senator Morgan contacted Amy English, last year’s PTA President for more information. Moved by our hard work dedication, the Senator worked with the Education Appropriations Committee to allocate $100,000 from the State School Building Fund to help build a playground at USDB’s Salt lake Campus.
I can’t express enough, how grateful I am, how grateful we all are, to the Donors, to the Community to Senator Morgan. I am so proud of the students here at JMS. Students, I want you to always remember this accomplishment. You wanted a playground. You worked hard and set goals and now you have this big beautiful playground. Apply this same ambition and motivation throughout your entire life and there is nothing you can’t do. "

Here we go...

A song because I don't know the words....

Tonight Nicky asked me to sing (sign) Kenny Loggins', Baby Mine. We often sign songs while dancing to the "Play Room Tunes" Playlist on the ipod. We hadn't recently danced, and had signed that song only once before, so I was surprised that Nicky asked for that song.

I didn't know all the signs, so I ended up changing the words. Maybe I'm just exhausted. Maybe I've been arguing the same obvious political points so often and for so long, that the words came out the way they did. Regardless of the reason,at the end of the song, I did my best to smile, hug him tight and turn the lights out before he saw me with tears in my eyes.

This is how I ended up signing Baby Mine;

"Baby mine, don't cry...Baby mine, wipe your tears...
Rest your head near my heart, never apart, baby mine...

Little Nick, when you play, don't pay attention to what others say.
Let your face sparkle, smile, never cry, baby mine.

All those people who ignore you, would really give anything to know you.

From your head, down to your toes, your small now, Heaven knows...
Your always special to me, always... sweet, baby of mine... "

Nicky Graduates from Preschool

Standing

You came from me, but I stand behind you

Leaning on a world that knows, fighting a world, my hearing world of ignorance

A world looking down with a veil of unjustifiable pity.



One veil lifted, one less my own shame for what I hear.



My world is my children, my world is you...

I am your mother, I stand humble, I stand grateful, in the door of your world, your Deaf world.



I am your mother, you are my teacher.



Never believe you are less because your language is different,

There is no limitation in different... only pride.



Your potential is farther than reaching and YOU are worth more than speaking.

Enough Money To Build a Playground

On the list of Baby's First....

I was eager to learn and observe Nick's first Video Phone call. A little disappointed, but amused to find the entire conversation consisted of things like; "Look at my foot" and "Let me get a toy" and "Look at my elbow"...

He was so thrilled to "Visit" with his friend... I am so lucky to get to witness and be involved this amazing little boy grow up..

Another Nicky Moment

I have a confession.... I don't offer Nicky his hearing aids as often as I used to. From several times a day, to once a day and now about every other day. He has never said yes. A few days ago, he was watching Sponge Bob with his sister. He looked at me and signed; "Hearing aids?" I was really caught off guard, but obediently started digging through his back pack to find his hearing aids. Of course.....the batteries are dead. By the time I found them, he was no longer interested in wearing them. I set them on top of the tv so that next time...I was prepared.

The very next day, since there was no school and he no longer naps, he wanted to watch Cars while the babies slept. I put it on and reached for his hearing aids. Nicky quickly signed; "NO!" Taken aback I signed: "You don't want to hear the movie?" Nicky, stomping his foot in a very annoyed tone signed:"I can SEE!" Well.....ok then.

If it's not your Birthday, I'm eating your cookies....

Being about down and laid up lately, I was pleasantly surprised with a basket of cookies...

Nicky comes in to cuddle me and tell me about his day at school...seeing my basket of cookies and signs ;"I want a cookie." I smile and sign "Those are my cookies." Nick: "Your birthday?" Me: "No, my friend gave me to help me feel better." Nick: "I will eat those cookies, not your birthday."